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58 of 75 found the following review helpful:
 Utterly dreadful - the final nail to a once magical series Jan 23, 2003
By P. I. Johnson
Before I incur the wrath of the hordes of Star Wars deadheads who seem to reflexively rate any negative review of this woeful movie "Unhelpful", consider this: I am a lifelong fan of the original Star Wars Trilogy and had as much hopeful investment as anyone in the success of the second trilogy. The sad fact is that Attack of the Clones - despite what you've heard - is even worse than The Phantom Menace (if you can bring yourself to believe that something so ghastly could actually exist). Willing this to be a better movie than it actually is (which seems to have been the response of most US critics and - it has to be said - Star Wars fans) is a pointless exercise in delusion. The sad reality is that even the weakest of the original trilogy - Return of the Jedi - is infinitely superior to anything we've seen since. The amount of times I found myself asking "Who wrote this [stuff]?" is matched only by the amount of times I had to hold back laughing aloud at the infantile dialogue and plotting of this utterly charmless movie. This is quite possibly the worst writing EVER in a major Hollywood production and should fast find its natural place in screenwriting classes as a case study in how NOT to write a script. The completely unmoving, unconvincing romance between a wooden Hayden Christensen and an uncharacteristically bland Natalie Portman is only the most obvious clumsiness. The [weak] fortune cookie dialogue given to Ewan McGregor finds appropriate expression in a disinterested performance (how else can any self-respecting actor work with wannabe banter that amounts to exchanges of "Yes Master"; "No Master"; "I try Master" ad infinitum?) Such puerile gems as "The day we take democracy for granted is the day we lose it" simply cry out for ridicule. The deterministic, completely unconvincing and unsympathetic movement of the Anakin character towards the "Dark Side" - a process underpinned by a cynical array of contrived situations and the worst depiction of teenage angst ever put to screen - only further raises the rubbish factor. Anakin scowls around saying things like: "You're like a father to me master"; "He doesn't understand me"; "It's all his fault!"; "He's holding me back!" It's like the last teen movie George Lucas has seen was in 1955 (doubly strange for someone who was the director of the superior, textured teen movie, American Graffiti) - come back John Hughes, all is forgiven. It also has to be said that - in a series never characterised by great acting anyway - Hayden Christensen gives the worst-ever performance in a Star Wars movie. Possibly the most untalented actor of his generation by this evidence - his charisma-free range appears to be pouting and... pouting. When Christensen says "I have a bad feeling about this!" - a line most familiar to series fans courtesy of Luke and Han at various points in the original Star Wars - he only prompts reminders of the rugged charisma and naive charm of the actors - and characters - that preceded him. The comparison is fatal! As for the much vaunted digital effects - well! If the miserable CGI creations menacing our heroes in the stadium execution scene are a standard, then give me Ray Harryhausen anyday. Hopefully these will look better on the Playstation 2 - where they probably best belong. In this regard, Star Wars has aways been a commercial exercise but the ... plugging of possible videogame content is distracting (most obviously when Anakin applies platform-game timing and strategy in avoiding a series of blades and hazards). So it appears, unfortunately, that the best thing techno-merchandiser George Lucas can do for the final instalment of this truly pitiful second trilogy is hand over the directorial reigns (as he did with The Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi) to a journeyman director (where are you Irving Kershner?) unpressured by the burden of pop culture expectation. The man is clearly no longer capable of telling a decent, well-paced story. Lucas recently said he welcomed the competition provided by Peter Jackson's Lord of the Rings series. Don't kid yourself George! There's no competition. Peter Jackson is an infinitely better director - and Attack of the Clones against Lord of the Rings is like a shopping trolley against a Ferrari. And these - fellow Star Wars fans - are the sad truths we should stop denying!
30 of 38 found the following review helpful:
Bada Bing! May 08, 2003
This film is so awful, I could write a full-length thesis paper about it. What's amazing to me is how many Amazon reviewers acknowledge faults in the movie, and still praise it with five stars.Attack of the Clones is Star Wars for the Attention Deficit Disorder generation. Lucas has overstuffed sequences with frenetic visuals, hoping to distract viewers into thinking they're entertained, desperately trying to compensate for the lagging, flabby plot and woefully inadeqate characterization. It's really more of a glorified video game than an actual film. Wonder which demographic likes Attack of the Clones the most? It's mostly 12- to 21-year-old boys who grew up on Nintendo, PlayStation, and X-Box. Unfortunately, busy special effects alone do not a great movie make. Frankly, the visuals aren't even that great. There was no show of Force at the Oscars when Attack of the Clones lost the Special Effects trophy to Lord of the Rings. The biggest flaws in this film center around the scenes between Padme and Anikan. First of all, the dialogue is atrocious, with wooden actors delivering hackneyed lines and cliches at every turn. Honestly, this stuff wouldn't even fly in soap operas. Why should we excuse it in a multi-million dollar movie? Secondly their "love" story has no believability, and doesn't develop naturally. Annakin is portrayed as a snotty, arrogant, obsessive boy with a violent temper and psychotic tendencies. So, what exactly draws Padme toward him? Plot contrivances are often awkward or totally head-scratching. Jango sends Zam who sends a droid who sends worms, to kill Padme? And what's with the title? Attack of the Clones? What attack? The clones don't show up until the end of the movie, when they are dispatched to *defend* the Jedi. I will grant the film one star for interesting cinematography and costumes. Also, the fight between Jango and Kenobi is well-choreographed. But give more praise, I can not. Most disappointing of all, this film is totally devoid of the magic infused into the original trilogy films. Maybe Lucas should have enlisted Lawrence Kasdan, scripter for *two* of the original trilogy movies, including the most critically-lauded, Empire Strikes Back. Lucas is now trying to do everything himself. He wants total control of the universe, but somewhere during his 10-year-plus hiatus from movie-making he lost his edge. Someday twenty years from now, another director will remake the Episodes 1-III. But it will be awhile. Good Star Wars prequels are still "far, far, away..."
18 of 22 found the following review helpful:
To review a previous review: Apr 14, 2003
Attack of the Clones is a movie perfectly content to be just good enough to make die-hard fans happy. Yoda fights, Anakin duels with two(!) lightsabers, and we get a glimpse of a young Boba Fett and his dad. What sounds like a classic Star Wars film to some, comes off as bad self-parody to most. It feels like an internet Star Wars fan fiction piece. The plot of this film is centered around the political intrigue of the decaying Republic, as senators and jedi jockey for power behind the scenes. What the filmakers forgot is that this is a prequel and we know who the bad guy is, so all of the mystery around this plot is ruined from the get-go. In between the political intrigues, we get time for a truly insipid love story, acted out by two people who don't even appear to like each other off-screen and have all the charisma of two glaciers rubbing together. I've seen disney movies with more eroticism. Then we come to Yoda fighting; the "best star wars scene ever" for some was the final nail in the coffin to this series for me. In desperate need to try and create something spectacular for fans to remember, George Lucas took his most beloved character, gutted any sense of the character's identity or personality, and turned Yoda into a video game character. In one short scene we got to see George Lucas' creative vapidity on display for all. Bravo, George. While the new Star Wars franchise seems content to churn out perfectly mediocore films that appeal only to kids and extremely easy to please fanboys, other film series are actually trying to break new ground, instead of relying on thier name to keep them successful. I'd check those other movies out instead of picking this DVD up.
40 of 52 found the following review helpful:
Juvenile movie with pathetic script and acting May 18, 2002
If you're 10 or under, I can cautiously recommend this film, but if you're over 14, forget it. This is the most juvenile attempt at action/science-fiction I've ever seen. Simply put, it is a pathetic excuse for a movie. It is clear that their special effects consumed the entire budget for the film, and they had no money left over to pay for actors or a script. The acting is so bad that it is frankly embarrassing. I felt like I was watching a junior high drama club. "My heart is breaking for you... Yes, but this is a love that cannot be". (barf). They are so stiff and the lines so trite that I think I could find two random teens at the mall who could give a better reading. The script sounds like it was written by a 15-year-old girl who spent the last 5 years overdosing on romance novels. Unlike the original episode, Attack of the Clones has no fun or humor. It plods along with the bad guys plotting a rebellion while the good guys try to figure out what's going on. There was not one single laugh in the entire movie - not counting my chuckles at the pathetic acting and script. I thought the visual effects were poor given the budget for this movie. There were a number of scenes which appeared to have the actors standing in front of poorly painted landscape scenes. Even the indoor shots seemed to have a haze about them. On a 1 to 10 scale, Attack of the Clones barely rates 1.
118 of 158 found the following review helpful:
 I really wanted to hate this movie Jul 18, 2002
After the horror that was The Phantom Menace, which I own for those insomina plagued nights, I knew that I was going to hate this movie. I read the bad reviews and I knew that I'd agree with them. But, I was dragged to see it and I knew that it would be a grim few hours. This is one case where I'm glad that I was totally wrong. I liked the movie so much that I've been back to see it again. The acting, that many have cited as dry, was appropriate to the setting and the circumstances of the film. I really didn't expect to see cheerful and lively characters in a story about an impending civil war. The romance, although muted, was appropriate for two very young characters who probably have never had much experience with romance to begin with. The middle was mostly talk and no action. I like a film that takes it's time and lets itself develop, instead of assaulting the viewer with non stop action and little plot or character development. I really felt that it was essential to the film to have the characters talk, as this is the installment of the series that starts to explain why Anakin becomes Darth Vader and why the Republic falls. I wish they'd actually developed them a little more, personally. Hayden Christiansen delivered a solid performance as a moody, confused kid. The fact that he wasn't overly eloquent helped me to believe that the cute kid in PM could actually turn into the nasty guy that I believed was hiding in my closet when I was growing up. Natalie Portman again reminded me why she's one of my favorite actresses. She was able to blend the strong assertive side of her character with an almost maternal caring for Anakin. Ewan McGregor and his dialogue tied in the shame that Obi-Wan displayed in the later episodes toward Darth Vader and the driving desire to rectify his mistakes. The special effects were dazzling. The seismic charges blew me away (by far the best sound effect that I've heard in a while), the speeder chase was amazing and the set design was just beautiful. And seeing lightsabres glowing throughout an arena was a childhood dream of mine. There were a few flaws, but overall, it was fantastic.
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